Stable as long as nothing else in the world shifts

The Four Agreements, or the person I would like to become

2009-04-30T19:40:09Z

I saw these in my adviser's office this afternoon. I thought they were pretty wise. I want to start living my life this way. I see a lot of truth in these words.
It's not the gospel, but it's a start, right?

Everything we do is based on agreements we have made. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, what everyone else is, how to act, what is possible, and what is impossible. What we have agreed to believe creates what we experience. When these agreements come from fear, blocks and obstacles develop keeping us from realizing our greatest potential.

Based on ancient Toltec wisdom , the Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives and our work into a new experience of effectiveness , balance and self supporting behavior.

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

*From The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Fill this out for me

2008-10-12T05:44:17Z

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

No more classes!

2007-05-01T11:04:49Z

readmyprose @ 2007-04-29T19:58:00

2007-04-29T23:58:54Z

This has been the longest year of my life, but it's ending way too soon.

readmyprose @ 2007-04-27T23:34:00

2007-04-28T03:34:11Z

There are no good people. There are no bad people. There are only people. People who seem to all be traveling on crooked paths and getting in everyone’s way. The problem with people is in their insatiable need to get involved. The problem with people is that they can’t ever mind their own goddamn business. We can never just walk straight and keep focus. We have to stop and mingle, stop and be nosy for a while. Touch one another. Get inside one another. “Who are you? Where are you going?” We have to feel for one another. We have to tear apart one another. Make one another. Inevitably, we conflict with one another. We’re all heading towards the same place, the same dead end. But nobody wants to arrive there too fast. No, we have to delay one another for a while. We insist upon living for a while.

readmyprose @ 2007-04-27T23:20:00

2007-04-28T03:22:36Z

Someone in a dark alley hands you an expensive gift. You don’t know what to make of this gift. You did nothing to deserve this gift. You’re not quite exactly sure who even gave you this gift. You feel compelled to pay it back, so you spend every day trying to figure it out or make it worth while. You look at the gift from every which angle and try to decipher its meaning and true value. At one point, you feel it’s a burden to even maintain the gift. You might wish to give up this gift. Or, you may wish to try to give the same exact gift to another. You might want to share it, or you might want to prolong it. Either way, you know this gift is somewhat backwards, and in a way, brilliant. Was this some kind of gag or the grand prize? Whatever this gift may be, you know whatever its worth, that it is big. A very, very big gift which encompasses every other gift you ever receive. That is your life.

Anyone, anyone?

2007-04-18T01:53:57Z

Does anyone else find Hugh Laurie (aka Gregory House M.D.) incredibly rugged and sexy right now, cane and all?

readmyprose @ 2007-04-12T00:40:00

2007-04-12T04:53:12Z

People often say they hate feeling like they don't belong in this big, often scary and overwhelming world. I don't hold it against them, but sometimes I love that feeling. I love that the world is so big and mysterious, and that I am just a transient piece to this big beautiful mess. I love that I may observe and interact but never fully penetrate this world we live in. I'm just a speck in the grandiose display of lights they see from outer space.
In that sense, I guess nothing would matter but making the most of my time here. I guess it's hard to feel anything far from peace when you're looking at the beautiful scenery.

readmyprose @ 2007-04-10T14:21:00

2007-04-10T18:22:26Z

It's just one of those days. It's raining, it's dark, it's gloomy. It's wet and cold. It's one of those days where your hair doesn't fall the right way, things aren't working out, and everything's an effort. It's a day where people seem aloof, preoccupied and ready to fall asleep. Or maybe that's just me.
The kind of day that just begs to end. The sun sets sooner. The sky is dark because it's ready to be night. The overused metaphor of tears to rain is aggravatingly appropriate. The kind of day that just needs to be napped away. But no, the syllabus calls for this paper rain or shine, and the world doesn't stop for the deluge.

readmyprose @ 2007-04-10T04:25:00

2007-04-10T08:31:43Z

I think liking someone can be a lot like falling on your own sword: you rely on this thing to protect you and make you feel strong, but just let it wound you in the end when you surrender.

...More tomorrow when I feel like it.

readmyprose @ 2007-04-06T17:50:00

2007-04-06T21:55:00Z

I feel very weird. I'm bored, but all I want to do is sleep and be lazy. I'm lonely, but I just want to be by myself. I don't want to reach out and talk to anyone, not even the people I really care about.
I speak with someone next week. I hope I can make some changes.

Cosmopolitan...Cutting Edge, or Cutting ties?

2007-03-26T09:26:47Z

I realized today that Cosmopolitan is pretty much a bunch of shit. I think the editors and writers of Cosmo are trying to sabotage us of the very things they promise; a kick ass sex life, true love, and bouncy hair.
I remember when I bought my first issue of Cosmopolitan. I did not plan to, this was a spontaneous purchase. I was strolling along the check out aisles of Wal-Mart and skimming the tabloids when I saw Beyonce in a tight-ass mini and the bold words "100 SEX TIPS THAT'LL BLOW HIS MIND!" in yellow 80-size font. Well damn, of course I wanted to please my man, how could I pass that up? I was dating my ex at the time we were still in that exciting first stage when sex was new and plenty. So I grabbed the magazine with a pack of gum and many other items I did not need and eagerly went home to plan my debauchery.

I must say this, for ass wiping material it's pretty absorbing (haha get it? Yeah I'm stupid). I must have read that entire issue cover-to-cover in one week. I could not believe I found the holy grail of tantalizing sex tricks! This was going to be splendid. Oh Cosmo, sacred book of man info, how did I chose Seventeen over you for so long? You had what I needed. I felt like I had entered a right of passage into womanhood.
A few days later I met up with my at the time boyfriend. We were in his room and I figured now would be the time to release my enlightened inner-sex kitten. I remembered reading about this one trick in particular, but I will refrain from going into complete soft core porn. So we were in the act and I tried it. At first he seemed to like it so I did a little more. What I mistook for his bouts of pleasure however were actually his winces of pain, “Indian burn" to be exact. I felt awful. All I wanted to do was please my man and I ended up nearly severing off his dick.
"You bitches! You did this on purpose!" I thought to myself. I did exactly what they told me to. I just wanted to mix things up a little. My boyfriend was taken aback at how drastically I had altered my moves. He wanted to know why I had to change a good thing. So I went back to what I normally did, a little crestfallen but determined to redeem myself. Way to ruin the mood.
Listen, 100 sex tips is a lie. I think about half of those were common knowledge, ten on alternative contraception, and the rest tricks I already had in the bag. So not only did I waste five bucks to be mislead, but I caused my boyfriend distress and myself humiliation. I guess it just goes to show you that some things you can only learn by doing. Do you hear me? If you really want advice on what feels good, ask the guy you're with. Of course this seems obvious now, but we all make stupid moves. Why I ever trusted complete strangers with my boyfriend's dick beats me.

Basically what it comes to is this; people try to sell of all of these magazines teaching us how to be women, how to be the perfect drool-worthy catch of the modern era. Truthfully it's a recipe book for the "ideal" girl, but if a girl ever based her knowledge on some shinny-covered book of Satan she'd be single, scary, and carrying a pair of big fake tits and a maxed out credit card. These magazines can be alluring as they appeal to our self-esteem and our sex drive. The problem is they group people into two categories, male and female. That may sounds stupid as those are two legitimate categories, but oh, here's the remarkable bit of wisdom: people are different! Remember? It's the value of diversity they've been shoving down our throats since grade school for good reasons. Not every guy operates the same with the opposite sex. Not every girl wants the all-American boy. Different upbringings, different demographics. People aren't all going to react the same in every situation. Maybe my guy doesn't want me to plan a romantic getaway. Maybe we don't have the money?! Cosmopolitan has alienated their audience to the white debutante. I hope to be successful one day, but realistically speaking I shouldn't be panning out $200 for a handbag anytime soon (kill me if I ever become so careless with money).

Here's the most disturbing part, and I want you to seriously consider this: Why would a girl, ever want to help another girl, become more successful in the same dating pool? Why would editors in big cities want to help the girls that live in big cities snag all of the men? They don't. Admit it. As much as I admire the ideal of the feminist battle where we are all sisters fighting for equality and respect, I don't buy into it. Women can be competitive, jealous, and incredibly vicious. Look at how many friendships end over dick. Girls don't want to share guys, no. Not only do girls want a guy all to themselves, some want all of the guys to themselves. I speak in general here because there are some very sweet girls (like myself) who actually live by the hackneyed motto "Chicks before dicks." But go by your instinct. If a girl (or a group of women) had the maximum wealth of knowledge on how to “make guys drool over you, make guys commit, make boobs look bigger“ would they disperse it like cheap flyers? Even more obvious, does anyone really know the answer to that riddle? I have to hand it to those girls at Cosmo, though. Not only have they succeeded in demoralizing every young girl who’s ever devoured the glossy pages of Cosmo, but they’ve successfully fooled many girls into thinking they need to completely change their natural selves to attract a guy, meanwhile widening the already gaping hole between the worlds of the sexes. I’m not saying don’t shave, I’m not advocating the complete “natural” self. There’s a difference between altering your appearance and altering what is true to your form.

Don’t listen to Cosmo, Cosmo is a book of lies. Don’t listen to their marketing schemes. It’s not that your mom doesn’t pass on the advice Cosmo provides to you because she doesn’t know any better. Your mom doesn’t tell you these things because she loves you. Also your guy doesn’t want you to do the three-point hand twist on his junk not because he can’t communicate his needs with you, but because it doesn’t feel good! I can’t believe I was ever desperate enough to ever read this trash. I guess it’s all a part of becoming a women…Learning not to trust all other women.

Have you ever...

2007-03-25T01:52:28Z

Been in love so much that it hurt? Today I saw this Hello Kitty bathing suit at Hot Topic and just about peed myself. Then I looked at the price tag, 50 dollars!!?? Fuck you kitty, you broke my heart.
As a consumer I have to power to bring prices DOWN. I know that I won't, but thinking I made a difference kind of eases the pain of being without a Hello Kitty bathing suit. Whatever I don't even like the beach that much.

I figured I'd at least try to be a normal girl and go shopping today. I guess it's fun but honestly I don't know how you people do it so much.
First of all the mall is crazy, especially in Tampa. Commotion everywhere! There were kids running around in all directions, not kidding, it was like twenty field trips going on at once. I love kids so it's not like I wished they weren't there but it was hard to walk. I almost stepped on a little Asian boy today. I looked down and was like "Aw honey I'm sorry." Then he put his whole fist in his mouth. The ratio of moms and children in the mall was I'd say about 7:1. I'm like "Where are the moms?"
I did see the cutest thing in the world today though. Have you ever seen those sneakers kids wear with the wheels on the heel? They're basically roller blade sneakers? Well one little girl had those on and was standing on her heels and rolling while her sister pulled her. Isn't that so cute?
Then a guy almost attacked me from his kiosk. Not literally, but he got really cross with me and all I did was smile and say "No thank you." This surprised me, I know those sales people can be pushy but he kept motioning me over and telling me "Come here." The guy at Old Navy was nice though. Whenever a guy smiles at me and says hi I always just assume that he's being retardedly friendly. Only recently has someone brought it to my attention that guys do that kind of thing to flirt. I still can't distinguish between genuine friendliness, good work disposition, or flirtation. I think I'm getting better at it though.
I think the main reason why I don't like to go shopping too much is because it's kind of draining, not only physically but mentally. Shopping involves a lot of decision making which is hard enough without dance music blaring out of the speakers. I'm very cautious so I don't buy anything I'm not sure I'll wear which is probably the reason I only bought jeans and a shirt. I did drop 40 gees at Victoria's Secret though. The third time I went in there.
(I also have a serious question to ask. What smells better, Vanilla Lace or Love Spell? I've worn both but I bought more today).
I guess it's kind of fun like a treasure hunt but it's also kind of grueling. Racks and racks of clothes and you just have to find the winners.
I am just glad to be home with my new jeans. I love new jeans. They fit oh so nicely. They aren't too low like hoochie jeans, the wash goes with everything, the leg part isn't awkward. They were worth the entire trip.
Anyway, that's all, time to pretend I'm a good student now.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

2007-03-21T17:08:54Z

I just tried to study twenty minutes before a test. Like that'll help!!! It's pretty obvious I'm not going to make it, and by make it, I mean get a C. That's so funny, I'm going to straighten my hair now.

PS - What the hell happened earlier?

2007-03-16T04:48:14Z

Okay, Izzie and George? I swear I felt like throwing up when i saw that. Izzy can be so self absorbed at times. She had Karev, had Denny, now she needs O Mally? Bitch please! Move on with another guy that isn't married. Callie is way hotter anyway, and George shouldn't have told her that Izzy was of supermodel status and too good for him when Callie obviously isn't "too good for him" because she married him. Guys say the stupidest things sometimes. Just because Callie's rich doesn't mean she doesn't have FEELINGS, you fucking fuck. Of course she's insecure, you're friends with a supermodel! All I can say is this better not result in Izzy and George together, although I don't think it will I hope George and Callie somehow work out even though they got married way too fast. Callie is so hot, she could have any guy. A part of me feels bad for Izzy, though. Meredith and Cristina have (for the most part) successful relationships with gorgeous and intelligent men and here pretty Izzy is grieving over a dead guy. She's probably very confused, she is so pretty and still alone. Izzy's probably not use to that and it's killing her, she wants a guy but she is still not over Denny. Why did Denny have to die? She probably asks that everyday. It just doesn't seem fair, does it Iz? This is what I hope will happen: I hope izzy and Alex Karev get down and end up being together, because they are both conceited individuals with a soft side. I hope George realizes that he's an incompetent ass and finally lets go of his big male ego and accepts the fact that he is not the breadwinner of the family. I also hope he goes back to Callie, and that they somehow go to marriage counseling and come together. I hope Burke accepts Cristina for who she is and that Christina tries to open up a little more and actually give herself to her fiance. I hope Burke doesn't get kicked off the show and become replaced with Cristina's cardiotherastic professor because he keeps calling T.R. a faggot, even though that last move that George made certainly made me want to cuss. I hope Meredith establishes a relationship with her father because I think it will help repair her distorted view of men and as a result make her a better girlfriend to Derek, who is by the way the model of what a boyfriend should be, stupid perfect beautiful unrealistic image of perfection. I hope Addison and Sloan enter a relationship together even though Sloan will most likely just cheat on her the whole time because he's a pig. I hope Bailey somehow becomes cheif even though she doesn't have enough experience. I hope Richard finds a hottie and gets married and retires happily ever after. Did I forget anyone? Whatever, you know what's going to happen: Callie and George are probably going to get a divorce. George and Izzy will stay just friends but finally go back to bein good friends like before George's dad died and he got hooked on sex and Callie as a coping mechanism. Burke and Cristina are going to cool down for a while, maybe not break up, but whether Burke stays or goes they are going to have at least one episode where they look like they might not last at all. Karev, he's such a round character, I love Karev, I think good things are in store for Karev who has been working hard and trying his very best. Sloan will probably slip up and have sex with some stupid nurse because he is Mark Sloan and that's what he does. Addison will have a one-night stand with Karev, maybe. Maybe Karev will call out Izzy's name in bed or something, nobody can predict these things. The only thing I feel really confident about right now is that George and Callie's marriage will not last, but that Izzy and George will never be anything more than good friends. Anyway that sums up my reaction to tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy.

readmyprose @ 2007-02-26T15:27:00

2007-02-26T20:43:13Z

If nothing else there's the illusion of happiness, all of our dreams and possibilities untapped. We sit far outside from ourselves and never fully have the faith it takes to see what's inside. For now, there are faces, stillshots of another day that we hope, convince ourselves will come, but for now just stuff the emptiness with.

readmyprose @ 2007-02-25T18:22:00

2007-02-25T23:23:09Z

I laughed five minutes straight at my new icon.